“What is past, is prologue.”
It’s been a while since I sat down to spill my guts all over my blog. I’ve been extremely busy with work, family and, well, work and family. I think the last time I wrote anything was last year. With that said, I apologize to anyone that cares.
The truth is, I have found myself in this rut. It’s a common rut. Not one that I would say is a negative one, but rather, something which lacks therapy. Writing, to me, is therapeutic; and I have theorized, when we begin to lose track of time being busy, the therapeutic side dissipates. The result: when you aren’t getting your form of therapy; everything becomes manic and you go crazy. Don’t side eye me people, I know it’s not just me. Let me begin.
I am not sure if you have ever heard the quote (paraphrased in a million different ways), “The older you get, the wiser you become.” As I age (I refuse to say ‘get older‘), I begin to notice things, situations, people, life; everything is recycled. It’s just different names, in different places, with different faces. I feel like I have done it all before, just with someone else, somewhere else, in another time period. I find myself being held up by the same things over and over and over. What I am realizing is, is what is holding me up, sometimes, are these past things in my life. I can untie every knot in everyone else’s shoe but for some reason, I cannot untie my own. So, looking around, seeing other people’s reactions to life – that knot in my shoe can’t be untied because I am looking over my shoulder. That’s right. I am too busy and concerned with my past. I am too busy waiting for the sunset while the sun rises ahead of me. Too busy focused on what I left behind, tripping over my own shoe laces like that chubby, clumsy boy we all knew in second grade. Not that there is anything wrong with being chubby or clumsy in second grade. It was an ILLUSTRATION. Send all butthurt emails to firstname.lastname@example.org
Fast-forward to now…like, right now – while I am typing…
What scraped me off my chair with a spackling knife, like a decade old piece of gum, was seeing the same recurring thing happening around me. These things were/are bold and beautiful (as all messes are through my eyes). I had an estranged member OF MANY in my family, emerge out of no where, wanting to have a relationship with everyone else in my family – which is pretty awesome. However, this person caused me to confront a bitter part of my past having to deal with demons, which are the actual other people in my family. Yes, they are demons, see what I mean though? I have a friend who is in the beginning of a divorce, who is having a terrible time trying to move forward. He keeps focus on how it was, not how it is now. There are people who I know who refuse to confront their past and they are letting it eat them alive; and they are so chewed up and mangled – their heart is unrecognizable. The list goes on and on. These situations have caused me to see things in myself. So much so, the need to gush them out in a blog seemed imminent.
There really isn’t much more to say but an opinion I have always had: We cannot let our past suffocate us. There are so many things out there that hurt us. COUNTLESS. All of our lives could be likened to a pin cushion. Some have less pins then others but after the 100th one, who is counting? There are so many people out there that want to hurt us. This how humanity works. But knowing that (get ready for the cliche) is half the battle right? Once it happens, we have to deal with it from there. We should not sit around asking how or why, over and over. I have caught myself doing this: turning some common problem into a crutch just to justify every error or criticism I make, and every idiosyncrasy I have.
Here is the kicker: Everything bad from your past and good isn’t about you. All these terrible and good things happen to make you wiser. What does a wise man/woman do with their wisdom?
They. Share. It. They. Share. Their. Wisdom.
My friends: nothing is about you. Everything is about everyone else. But also, part of growth is not going through the same things over and over again. Shakespeare had it right when he said, “What is past, is prologue.” It really is if you are wise enough to figure that out. Every part of your past is the beginning of your future and how you want to deal with the same situations, with the different faces in different places in a different time.